just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
no you cant smoke seaweed
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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