Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
