i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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