The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Girls should come with a carfax report
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
