that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
