he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Success! We fucked roommates!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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