Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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