I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize