1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
