Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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