can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
