i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
