Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
