oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think a kid would responsible me up
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
