Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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