Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
