I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
