I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
