I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
True college students do jello shots in the library
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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