remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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