The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
