What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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