We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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