3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
