it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
