that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
