At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
