You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
