So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
