Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize