I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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