Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
