i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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