I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
