I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
