It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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