i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
