Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
