This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
