new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
soo... how was my night?
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