I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
