honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
