I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
