Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
