Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
