So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
