hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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