Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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