I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
