If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
