After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
