Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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