It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
