Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
