I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
