So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
