And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
