You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I understand Curling. That high.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
