...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
