he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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