you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i believe in u and ur pee
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
