About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
