My liver just broke up with me...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
