i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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