Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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