it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
