A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
