What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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