even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
