yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
