Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
