I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
