I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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