she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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