New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
