I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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