So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
