dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize