You can't special order awesome
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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