And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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