I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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