Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize