Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
