Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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