the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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