I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dicks are not precious.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
