Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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