i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Are my feet made of real feet?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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