I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
