I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize