I think I am morally bankrupt
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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