just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
