I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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