She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
