I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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