I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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