My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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