Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
