so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
