I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
