if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
