We named our party play list daddy issues
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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