it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
if only i could text you this smell
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
