Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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