My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
