I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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