Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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