I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
