Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
