So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
