i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
