I think my fart just growled at me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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