you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
