I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
