I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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