I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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