oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
