At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
