Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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